“I Come Last Syndrome” – Girl I’ve Been There


Trust me girl I’ve been there, so busy serving everyone else that you increasingly find yourself in a state of self-neglect! Your feet look like they belong to somebody that walked a mile with no shoes. Your hair hasn’t been did in weeks and your struggling to find any “me time” to re-fuel and just think for a minute……yes you are suffering from the “I come last Syndrome.”

Many women suffer from the “I come last syndrome” which if not handled in a timely manner can lead a woman to lose herself.

Why do I say this? Well where did we as women get this idea that our needs must come last? That we must make everybody feel catered for whilst we neglect our own needs? We watch generations of women in our families and communities do this and they are given the title of a “strong woman” despite their self-neglect playing a factor in them developing health issues and practising destructive coping mechanisms like over-eating, shopping addictions, drinking excessively or exercising ones sexual prowess to every dick, Tom and Harry. The driving force behind this desire to please and sacrifice oneself is the desire to be needed, appreciated and yes you guessed it……loved.




We witness these “strong women” in many cases burn out and in others experience total melt-down. What does this idea of “I put everybody first and I come last” teach us as women? That we as women have bought into the idea that we are not worthy, worthy of being the no.1 priority in our lives next to God, worthy of being loved.

Self-first and then others, we must learn to love ourselves,” for can you truly love others if you don’t love yourself? Can you constantly give your time to others and have none for yourself? Practice makes perfect and it starts at home, meaning your temple, yourself it starts with you. You are worth making some time for, you must fight for it despite how busy you may be, despite how many people you are responsible for as a woman remember that #YouMatter #WeMatter, #WomenMatter
Here are some things I have done to turn this thing around:

African-American_Woman_Getting

* Meditation, just 10 minutes a day
* Prayer, regularly
* Read a chapter or two of a good book
* Treat myself to a massage
* Get my hair did
* Get my toes did
* Take myself to my favourite restaurant
* Listen to a Minister Louis Farrakhan lecture

* Watch my favourite YouTuber’s
* Listen to my body and sleep when tired
* Spend time with a friend I haven’t seen in a while
* Book a short holiday or weekend away
** Just be

What will you do this week to make time for yourself? What will you do to show yourself some love?
Leave a comment and share your challenges and success stories you never know who you may help!





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